Am I wrong for feeling this way?

I am a 14 year old girl. My grandfather molested me a few years ago. And I admit that it really screwed me up. Ive sean a few therapists, and I have gotten way better. But I am just not the same, what happened changed me and I just cant do anything about it. But my grandfather died yesterday. My dad didn't really take it well, and I feel bad for my dad. But I haven't shed a tear. To be honest, Im sorta happy about it. Deep down I wish he suffered a bit more before he died. Im ashamed to admit it, but its just the way I feel. Im just happy he isn't alive. But am I wrong for feeling this way? I mean, isn't it wrong to be happy about someone dieing? Is it wrong for me to feel the way I feel?